A HoT cUp Of cOffEE!!!!

Open UR eYz....OPn Ur Mind......Dont Stay bEHINDD......
wELL THEre are "tiny" thingz in life which make us extremely happY Without any Reason.......gHar Se AAya ek Phone call.....A Hot cuP of Coffee....a nice Satisfying peaceful sleep....NeWspaper.....fresh smell of grass....new papers...(or book!!!!)... cHocOLATES(of course!!!)... nd for me (hope it applies to many specimens of my kind)...grasping an extremely simple concept like "why n how "....etc etc.....nd d list goes on..... I suffer frm worst category of mood swings....Imagine things happening to me which sure do never happen....m ALWAYS IN A biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiig Dilemmatic state....Once on its difficult to be Gone....Surprisingly the extreeemely normal n ordinary things which make ppl happy do not apply to me...like hanging out with grp n partys nd that sort of stuff....kya karooon bachpan se aisi hoon :( ....hv tried a lot to "grow up".... but nahi ho pata hai!!! :( ... still m extremely glad dat hv always succeeded in making frnds whose wavelenths match mine... :) .... they r of course "few".... but i treasure n cherish them.... It just so happens wen a child is born... he finds himself in circumstances which shape his personality in future..... Hv read a lott abt "personality development" ... Be it "improve ur communication skills"or "Becoming centre of attraction" and on and on... Although i toooo need a lot to improve on dat aspect.... But wud like to share some of my opinions n thoughts...
I think human beings r blessed with the fathomless ability to share "happiness" n be "happy" themselves...dat shud of course never b at d cost of some other's happiness.... It shud b frm within....What is left of that ability nowadays is just "artificiality"... just to impose one's persona n way of thinking....WE fORget to be true "ourselves"..... Confidence is what i feel shud be d freedom n ability to express urself truly at d moment....boldness is never to take in anythng wrong n do d same....think the above r d essential aspects....other qualities like communication etc follow suit once one possesses these three...

Well enuf of lecture....2day Went out with frnds to a temple nearby n while returning had "panipoori"...it really made me happy!!!

OK enuf for2day...will continue with "aftermaths " of course...

cheers!!!

AppreHenSions!!!! StaTe Of Fear....

When u consider urself "unfit" to discuss "stufff" with others which wud provide a huge relief to ur soul....u blog!!!! Guess dats wht m doing rite now!!! Having spent nearly 3 mnths in college....hv gone thru millions of "transient"phases n emotions...M gathering "facts" abt none other than myself..."self introspectn"...Smtimes....manytimes rather....we tend to do things we wud never ever do if we cud see (predict) d aftermaths....but then dats life....mysterious n uncertain...every action has a equal n oposite reaction...so beautifully observer by mr.newton...applicable to almost everything....done physically or emotionally...!! We cant escape d fact dat howsoever we fear of consequences of certain actns...they hit us like ...well... like u r walking smwhere n dnt c whats cmng n BANG!!! :) ....jst trying to be funny to relive myslf of the tension building inside me.....Well did certain things shud never hv done...Shud make myself a lil bit "practical"...on scale of practicality wud rate myself "zero"...!!!! Hv done certain thngs n fear d consequences this cmng week... Trying to prepare myself to face them boldly....n accept d fact i hv committed "mistakes".... but same time praying to god to gv me courage n "WILL TO FIGHT BACK"....One thng n only one thng i like abt myself...Hv been gifted with a tendency to fight back for everything...I never like to admit i have been defeated...this is good n bad both... sometimes we shud keep our emotions aside n just "move on..." ... But never shud we accept the fact dat our fate is destined to fail!!!... I committed d "so called" mistakes with an "aim"to render help to others...(which i feel) .. but in reality i tried to avoid certain "seemingly obvious: responsibilties... dats where i sealed my fait.... Rendering help is gud... but it shud be in such a way dat it "really" benefits others....rather dan gvng "cooked food" to a person who within all his capabilities n constraints can cook it....provide him with necessary ingredients.... Guess i hv learnt dis lesson bigtime...

Now why shud i write aal dis crap....coz next time m going to accidently take ny wrong step... Will go thru d blog n take decisions sensibly..!!!!!!!
Lets seee whts in store ... d cmng week..... will update d blog abt d "aftermaths"... be them gud or "bad" ... :)

A shoRt RecAp

So here am i bloggging again...cause i have loads of othres works to do....homework....assignments.....studies....assignments...research(  :)  )...assignments...n nahana dhona n usual stuuff....n assignments.....phew!!! what a life...2day m strongly reminded of my college days!!! in 4 yrs...i learnt a lot lot....strange transformation...a naive n "stupid" girl....to someone more matured.. expressive....My college was all girls..(women... though i dont like 2 use dat term...never want to believe i m a "grown up"  now!!) ... So was cut off frm typical co-ed environment....We used to wear saree every wednesday......khaadi saree on special occasions....welll my college followed gandhian principles...nd yes....no cell phones allowed....both in college as well as d hostel...i used to crib always!!! cursed my luck!! shed oceans wrth of tears!!! was never used to such harsh restrictions...there were occasions wen i doubted everythng happnd to me till date is "crap"!!! Now i luk bk to those days!!! I realize i hv becum "tougher" dan i used to be....Yes i never had dat kind of confidence....to speak in frnt of nyone....participated in skits n debates...extempores in schoool level...evn directed a skit....remember still dat i used to sing "chinna chinna asai" i.e. "dil hai chota saa" frm "roja" in tamil in sum 5th or 6th std... :) datz my trademark song inj school!! ...but wht i never learned was...opening up!!! Needed someone to "push me" all d times!! dat inspiration ws none else dan my sweet mum!!! She always motivated me to venture into new things!!!   Life is short....best to spend evry moment in learning somethng new!! Though there were restictions in my college...i feel because of them...i learnt a lot of self control...girls in late teens crave for many things!!!  I was never attracted to typical "girly" passions...Nd thnk god during college i realized those passions r jst momentary...i learnt dat consistency n honesty n pursuing ur dreams r real passions!!! Now m studyng in a co-ed environment...found it strange initially....now learning to cope up with it....Luv d way d professors teach here....this is somethng my UG collleg lacked in!! Not encouraging questions n innovation is s a slow poison killing away the educatn system of the country which boasts of all time evergreen geniuses!!! This must change!! 

Coming to questions n aptitude n attitude to learn...yes this is one thng i seriously need to learn....gathering courage n believeing in myself!!! Hope will refine myself with time!!

:)

AgAiN LyRiCs.....

Well......if someone asks me......how do u describe urself best......here wud b my answer:::

I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
and I'm the only one and I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone



I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line
Of the edge and where I walk alone


Check my vital signs
To know I'm still alive and I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone


I walk alone
I walk a...

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone...

UnAnSweRed QueStiONs

M a bit Of Wht OthERS wud call "bookworm"....since childhood days kind of used to reding all sort of stuff.....frm fantasies...to folklore....detective kind...comic...(luv alice in wonderland)  ....  Once came acrosss a book ...titled  "mysteries"....  was astonished to learn d wrld arnd us dat we c n observe n conclude.....  is not dat simple n everythng not as obvious as it seems to be.... The incidnts mntnd "HAPPENED" for sure....The buk's authenticity is ensured...  well sum stuff got into my mind like wart of plaster.....won't come off...  :)   ....  still wonder wht cud b d reason....  roots in science???   Science has answered al most all of d questions mankind cud ever ask...  but many r unanswered yet....  n m sure wud remain unanswered n categorized into "unsolved mysteries"....  

Well coming to d buk....  read an incident abt a girl...who died young...luvd a doll as a kid...used to keep it with her everytime....  the doll was buried alongside....  a decade or so later....her grave was accidently dugged....ppl were astonished to find dat the doll's hairs n nails were growing!!!  Now who cud xplain such things???   ..  Hmm...  some ppl possess psychic powers....intutions...get hold of things which wud tk place soon.....read abt some ppl who hear a strange sort of unearthly music b4 someone close to dem gonna die...creepy na...  its true but...  many such incidents were listed.....n abt "time slips"...something was mntnd abt a visit to a shop by 2 frnds....they enter inside n astonished to find entore scenario turned upside down!!!  The storekeepers had changed.....dressed in some 20 yrs bk style of clothes....somethng creepy n strange abt d surroundings...shaking d creepy feelings off,,,,the frnds ask for stamps....they get sm strange sort of stamps...not used in their times..they pay the storekeeper....who is as surprised abt the coins as d frnds r abt her....they jst walk out....  d world changes again!!!  they deide to walk bk again to shop....by intuition i guess....  n find everything "normal"  .....  they r !!well!!  no wrds for dat...  how wud u feel???  ..  they get d stamps investigated  .. n lo!!  ....they discover dat they belong to  some other era....  well creepy!!! strange bt dis happened!!  how cud "SCIENCE"xplain it...can we take everything down to nano particles?? as ppl anticipate they will solve every query possible??  Well another thing mntnd abt pyramid of gizha in egypt which intrigues me....  They hv some calming properties...a significant reduction in level of stress is noticd wen one steps inside the pyramid...  ppl suffering frm pain etc find relief there.... a hot cup of coffee becomes more alluring,sweet n loveable...  so wht cud b the possible reason???  The construction statistics....angles  etc???  May b the pyramids trap d sunlight n makes it more enhanced or that sort of thing!!!  well.....there r many such "unsolved mysteries"...  if nyone patiently read my blog and came 2 dis point  :)  (i owe u a treat nyways!!!)  do comment n write if u knw some of d mysteries...!!!  Ta... till nxt ... 

Breaking d Habbit

So the second post in row....cudn help but post it.....
Just felt like venting my feelings....usind d lyrics written by someone else....this is what m feeling right now.....n feel most of the times....so here is it....
Memories consume
Like opening the wound
I’m picking me apart again
You all assume
I’m safe here in my room
(unless I try to start again)
I don’t want to be the one
The battles always choose
‘Cause inside I realize
That I’m the one confused
I don’t know what’s worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
I don’t know why I instigate
And say what I don’t mean
I don’t know how I got this way
I know it’s not alright
So I’m Breaking the habit Tonight

Clutching my cure
I tightly lock the door
I try to catch my breath again
I hurt much more Than anytime before
I had no options left again
I’ll paint it on the walls
‘Cause I’m the one at fault
I’ll never fight again
And this is how it ends
I don’t know what’s worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
But now I have some clarity
To show you what I mean
I don’t know how I got this
I’ll never be alright
So I’m Breaking the habit
Breaking the habit Tonight

First ImpreSSion .... Is d BEst oR wOrST!!!...

Well.....its my very first blog....never ever imagined myself to start blogging...u see i lag or rather have a natural tendency to lag in everything....but i "dare" do things i thnik wud never do sometimes....guess this is one such "moment"....so here is the blog...that too at 3 o' clock in night....I blame my new "ALMA MATER" for that...i have nothing against my college...i love being a part of it....it has been the best thing that has happened to me in my "tiny" n "insignificant" life.....But ....U forget abt sleeping early n getting "early" or thngs like dat...as a friend so truly pointed out...."night=day in IIITB"....

So...Why i started blogging suddenly....I felt it wud gv me a nice opportunity to xpress myself...as i dont interact with others much...I m tooo short of words sometimes....n of course bore others... :) .... not always....May be mite publish somethng worth reading sum time dat mite help others....

Well.... Here is what i felt like writing in dis very first blog....

Its weird but....here is it....U meet, talk n interact with many ppl whom u never knew before.....u forget many...but u remember some....their faces...expressions or words keep appearing in portal of your mind...invisible to others.....Somehow u try hard n harder.....bt u cud never shake them off....So How it began exactly...Decided to go on a visit to a care home for mentally challenged kids as a part of social activity for our college..Happened to meet a girl of about 16...She didn look her age...looked younger than that...We all live in a world defined by conventions set up by so called society....Our thought process is largly driven n dominated by the conventions....we dare not think beyond that....For us, "good" is what has predefined attributes n notions ... "bad" n "ugly"... who decides to what exactly these terms apply to??? Or are they just a way to take out frustations...demeaning others existence ... Hiding own's complications n faults....their is nothing in d world as bad n good...they r conventions which r taught the moment a child is born...Dicto for terms like "normal" , "abnormal","dirty","civilized" etc. etc. .... Do not think i m going out of context....this is all relevant....well....the girl didn know wht are the societal conventions....was not aware of "economy"... being "rich" or "poor"..."good" or "bad" ....etc. ... I was amazed by her everlasting enthusiasm n energy...The moment I met her.....till we left....She was trying to get others involved in her activities which were largely restricted to clapping...chanting some rhymes , singing n dancing ...(again "unconventionally") ... in short she felt "happy" n wanted others to share her innocent joy.....how selfless..!!! It touched me to the core...Her world is not dominated by normal conventions....unlike us...Making others "happy"matter to us usually when we expect something frm dat person...Strictly speaking "worldly favours" which include nything n everythng....May b god didn make her like what others wud "conventionally"call a "normal" human being....But her world is full of "boundless" joy n unrestricetd happiness...Her eyes were full of innocence...I was glad she was so well taken care of....I didn see her sitting "idle" or nything...sHE Wanted to make d best out of every minute spent with us...

Now how really is that pricking me now.......I always curse my fate....Feel like a big "loser" n "crap" always....my world is restricted by my own conventions which m sure would never disclose to others....I am poor in expressing myself....Well...I have tendencies to lose hope n faith every next minute...Even now....Suddenly her face pops up somewhere in my (un)conscious mind...I see her enthusiasm,,,,eyes full of hopes ..... shining with tears of happiness..n then i curse myself badly....for "cursing" myself....there is much more to life than the "conventions" .....
I dont know how long i will continue to exist....But will never be able to forget dat face....Will try never to blame god for things happening to me...because "happiness" n "joy" are what we should derive out of each single moment.....may b the thing that will haunt me...is that why she was separated frm her parents n family she deserved.....Was she left just because she didn fit into template of the "conventions".... Wish this world could turn upside down god!!!